Big Black’s fireworks are set off at Irving Plaza.
April 26, 1986.
Photo by Greg Fasolino/Lorianne Oakley
REMEMBER THAT PART IN THE ODYSSEY WHEN ODYSEUS TOLD POLYTHEMUS THE CYCLOPS HIS NAME WAS NOBODY AND THEN HE STABBED HIM IN THE EYE WITH A GIANT STICK AND HE STARTED SCREAMING AND THE OTHER CYCLOPS YELLED FROM THEIR CAVES AND ASKED WHAT WAS GOING ON AND POLYTHEMUS SAID THAT NOBODY HAS HURT HIM AND THEY WERE LIKE WELL THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP
But for real.
imagine an AU where Anthony Fantano and Jesus Christ are one and the same. the Knights Templar search endlessly during the middle ages for the Holy Grail, a mason jar that the Subscribers drank Fantano’s blood out of during the viewing of the Last Video, the night before he was crucified.
Agreed so hard!
The, uh, the band, The Red Hot Chilapital Pepper, is a, uh, super-duper group, rock, rock music, that’s very funky, with a lot of bass, like dum-dum-du-dum, and, uh, their first album came out before, uh, Anthony was born, and, uh, California.
The year is 2035. The family shows up to my house for a reunion. My nieces and nephews enter and greet me. One asks me why I don’t have a wife or children.
I tear up, and ask my nieces and nephews to follow me, I’ll show them something that will explain everything. In my room, I show them my turntable and record collection.
On my wall, there is a poster of a handsome gentleman. His face and body are perfectly proportioned. One child notices it and asks who it is.
“He was the bravest man I knew”, I say, choking back tears. “This, my family, is the Whack Calzone”.